


pregnant alex james x jarvis cock sucker makez sexy fun timez

by beatlebum



Category: Blur (Band), Pulp (Band)
Genre: Anal, Gay, Gay Sex, Idiots in Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Mpreg, Weird Plot Shit, Zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-17 06:20:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21049724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatlebum/pseuds/beatlebum
Summary: biblical





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> its like the bible but gayer and probably has more deaths in it. !! only real chads can handle dis nut worthy, holy, biblical book of all books !!

A petting zoo. Where childhood memories are made and where parents waste their money. 

At this particular petting zoo ("The Britpop, Peace and Love Petting Zoo" to be specific a.k.a tbplpz) young and old, singe or taken, mothers come and gawk at a young keeper, Jarvis, while their children torture the animals there. 

This was also the petting zoo the annoying hooligans in a group called Blur was planning to visit. 

To steal a sheep. 

Alex James was always known to be the mysterious and cool one of the group. He always has a cigarette in hand and carried himself in such a way that'll make you intimidated by him. 

He's always had a passion for cheese and Shaun the Sheep. When he heard his mate, Damon Albarn, was planning a group outing at the local petting zoo he was obviously giddy with excitement. 

He can finally get the sheep of his dreams to recreate his favourite movie, Shaun the Sheep: Farmageddon.

"So, Damon. When're we heading to the petting zoo?" Alex asked in a tone that seemed almost child-like. 

Damon raised a brow to this. He had never seen Alex behave like this before. The dark haired man had his arms folded on his back and a big goofy grin on his face. 

"I don't know, Alex. Maybe during the weekends." 

"Why not tomorrow, Damon?" 

"Tomorrow's too soon." The blonde furrowed his brow to Alex again. "Why do you care so much about this?" 

"Because I'm going to steal a sheep." Alex then began making his way to his bedroom to plan out the sheep heist.

"Oh." Damon's eyes widened in horror as he realised what Alex had said. "What!?" He grabbed for Alex and turned him so they were facing each other.

"What do you mean by 'steal a sheep'." Damon said in air quotes. 

"I mean exactly what I meant. I'm going to kidnap or should I say 'sheepnap a sheep'." 

"Alex..." Damon sighed. "Is this going to turn out like the last time we went to a petting zoo." 

Alex looked at Damon in confusion.

"Remember, Alex? When you tried to 'cownap' a cow so you can have 'infinite cheese' and we all got sent to jail and was banned forever?" 

"Oh yeah." Alex nodded along to Damon. "This time it's different though. I've got a plan."

"A plan? Oh yeah, alright things or gonna be way better now since you've got 'a plan'." He rolled his eyes to Alex and his stupid lesbian haircut.

"Yeah, bowlcut. Get up bright and early TOMORROW. We've got a big big day of sheepnapping." Alex said and booped Damon's nose. He then proceeded to jump out the window of the one story building and ran across the street.

Damon instinctively covered his nose because of the rancid cheese scent that coated his finger. He let out a long sigh and proceeded to open the band's emergency liquor cabinet. Zooming past all the alcohol Graham had bought for whatever reason, he placed his hands on the warm bottle of honey.

Oh honey.

"Damon?" 

"...Graham?" 

"Are you planning on drenching yourself in honey again?" 

"Yeah."

Graham frowned. "What has Alex done this time, Damon?" 

"He's planning to steal a sheep tomorrow." 

Graham's frown got deeper as he stepped next to Damon and pulled the bottle of honey away from him. "Y'know we can just... I don't know, wild guess... Not go to the petting zoo tomorrow?" 

"I know, Gra. But he just looks so happy." Damon looked down to his crocs. "I just want the best for that wanker." 

Graham now had warm slight smile on his face. "Guess we just have to see what happens tomorrow." He places the bottle of honey on the counter. "He won't actually do it, right?" 

"Knowing, Alex, he would do it even if he had to get it up the ass by one of the keepers there." 

"I guess we just have to be ready for it tomorrow." 

"Guess you're right." Damon said and took a big swig of the honey.

***


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shits getting serious. also rip dave lol he aint got no subplot about him bcuz idk how to write dave. rip

It was the next morning. The lads had all packed for their trip to the local petting zoo. 

Alex was obviously on edge for this trip. He had planned this sheep heist for quite a while now and he was so happy that he could finally execute it. 

Everyone pilled up into the Blur Mobile™ and headed off. Dave was driving as he was the only reliable one of the four and was trustworthy enough to navigate and get them safely to the zoo. 

Damon was sat in the passenger which left Graham with Alex who had a strong scent of cheese and ear wax lingering from his lesbian-esque haircut.

"So, Alex, excited for the trip, mate?" Graham tried striking a conversation to break the awkward silence. 

Alex nodded, his hair flopping around making the back seat reek even more than it already did. Graham faked a smile and gulped in fear.

"Can't wait to meet the little sheeps." Alex said and pulled his hair back and stopped to take a good whiff of his fingers.

Graham pursed his lips and tried leaning back into the seat. 

"Damo told me something about you wanting to 'sheepnap' while we're at the petting zoo." Graham tried asking, just to prove to Damon who was obviously listening from the front. "What's that about, Alex?" 

"Oh yeah. I'm planning to 'sheepnap' myself a new friend so I can reenact 'Shaun the Sheep: Farmegaddon'." 

"But you're not serious about this, right?" Graham asked andokked towards Damon.

"Graham, of course I am!" Alex pulled out a folded sheet of paper that looked like it was made of other sheets of different types of paper. It was all held together with scraggly bits of tape and staple. 

Alex then began to unfold the paper to reveal a rather large collage of different kinds of sheeps and blueprints for the petting zoo with sticky notes attached to it with advise to himself like 'make sure the sheep like cheese' and 'if you get curious, you may have a little nibble at the sheeps meat'.

Graham now had visible fear on his face. He pushed his glasses up and bit the insides of his cheek, hoping that Alex was just putting extra effort into his usual sadistic silliness. 

Damon looked at Graham with a shit eating grin plastered on his face and turned the volume of the radio up. 

The rest of the trip was quite and full of fear. All Graham could think about was Alex and all Damon could think about was the Gallagher brothers.

You see, there's actually a reason to why Damon suddenly wanted to visit the petting zoo, it was because his mortal enemies (he also considers them Blur as a wholes enemy), Liam and Noel Gallagher work there as keepers and Damon wanted to terrorise them by shitting everywhere in the bunny pen.

But now he had to worry about his damn bassist trying to fulfill his dark, twisted, kinky dream.

"Alright, ladies. We're here!" Dave announced and took the keys out of the Blur Mobile™. 

The moment Graham had dreaded was here. 

Alex looked like he basically creamed his pants and re-folded his plans for the sheep heist. He practically jumped out of the van and headed for the gates, Dave trailing behind him. Damon and Graham sat in the Blur Mobile™ in silence as they thought of the horrors about to come from today.

***


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex james gets fucked in the ass by jar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how tf do y'all bitched write smut that shit freaky asf. anywayz heres my horrible attempt at writing smut.

Dave had bought tickets for the four of them and led the way through most of the pens. 

"Dave, you mind if I head to the sheep pen myself?" Alex asked, twiddling his thumbs and looking down. 

"Of cour-"

"NO!" 

"Damon! Why'd you interrupt me?"

"Because Alex is going to shag a sheep!" Damon exclaimed and glared towards Alex. 

Graham nodded behind Damon and tugged Alex, who was trying to sneak away. 

"Not true! I..." Alex pursed his lips and tucked his hands in his pockets. "I was just planning to sheepnap one and bring it home and love it." 

"..And shag it." Graham added. 

Alex kept quite and allowed his fringe to cover his face. 

Dave was obviously confuse to the situation and shrugged it off. 

"I'm sure Alex will be fine at the sheep pen on his own." Dave said and stroked the back of his neck. "The lad's built like a noodle how's he suppose to drag a sheep into the Blur Mobile™?" 

Graham and Damon both nodded in agreement.

Damon felt like this was a good opportunity to disturb Liam and Noel and Graham could finally catch up on his favourite past time, making fun of children and spitting on them.

"Alright, Alex. You may leave. Don't come back while you're at it." Damon said and made his way towards the rabbit pen. 

"Sayonara, losers!" Graham then left and took a seat under a shaded spot where children were petting horses.

"Have fun, Alex." Dave said and pat him on the back. Dave disappears and is probably not going to be seen much for the rest of the book.

Alex took a deep breath and scanned his map of the petting zoo. He was now alone and ready to execute his plan.

Swiftly, he elbowed his way through a sea of parents and little kids. All of them avoided him nonetheless, the smell of cum and cheese wasn't pleasant to most people. 

When Alex reached the sheep pen, there wasn't much people there other than a few little girls and their mothers. 

In the pen stood 5 beautiful sheep. Alex was tempted to rub himself there and then and let everyone watch his love for sheep. 

He smiled as he walk past all of them, grinning sheepishly (haha am funny) at the 5 farm animals. 

"Which one of you beautiful creatures want to come home and be my Shaun?" Alex asked as he pet one. 

The sheep baa'd at Alex, causing his grin to widen. He had found the one. 

The sheep was rather small compared to the others and was also pretty skinny. Alex could relate to it. After touching it he could feel a certain connection jolting from his palm to his head then to his... dick.

He wasn't horny for the sheep, no. Alex isn't that kind of person. He would never dream of harming such a beautiful creature in that way. It's just that the way the warm and musty smelling wool felt under his palm felt right. 

Covering his erection, he hurriedly ran into mini barn in the pen. Inside were small baby sheeps resting in fenced cages on hay. 

Alex quickly rubbed his member from the outside of his jeans, stifling a moan, he held on to one of the wooden fenced to keep himself balanced while trying to do his business.

He decided to peek outside one of the comically small windows in the barn. There was no one there. The little girls and their mothers had all left, leaving just the sheep and him.

Now deciding to get braver, he undid his jeans and jammed his hands in his undies. 

A loud moan was let out by Alex as he went faster and started jerking himself off. 

"What the bloody hell are you doing!?"

Alex turned around to face a pale man. Buddy Holly glasses were perched from the stranger's nose. He had rosy cheeks and a baby face. His hair was slightly disheveled but it still looked neat.

"Stop that!" He yelled. "Stop that right now!" 

Alex slowly took his hand out of his underwear and pulled his jeans back to his waist. 

The stranger stared down Alex and stepped closer. 

"Why the bloody hell were you wanking off in here!?"

Alex remained silent and pursed his lips together. The stranger was sweaty and smelled strongly of grass and sheep.

That instantly made Alex blushed and cover his face with the hand he was jacking off with. 

He then noticed the outfit the stranger was wearing. It was a neat beige button up sporting the petting zoo logo on the back with matching shorts. On the left side of his chest above a pocket was an embroided "keeper jarvis c.".

"Okay listen up... Jarvis." Alex said slowly and sassily. "I can wank wherever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want, with whoever the fuck I want." 

Jarvis rolled his eyes and started to unbutton his little shorts. 

Alex's eyes widened as he saw Jarvis' Shaun the Sheep underwear. On Jarvis face was a big smirk. 

"I saw you sneaking in here while feeding the sheeps earlier." Jarvis explained. "I shut down this portion of the zoo when I saw you pleasing yourself." 

Alex tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. He could feel himself getting harder and harder. 

Jarvis wrapped his arms around Alex's slender waist and pulled him in. Jarvis licked Alex's face from his eyebrows all the way down to his jaw. He then proceeded to give Alex love bites. 

Alex shivered as Jarvis guided his hands to where his shorts were and started rubbing himself with it. 

Jarvis moaned as Alex moved faster. Alex then pulled Jarvis' Shaun the Sheep underwear down to reveal his erect member. 

"Want me to suck your dick?" 

Jarvis nodded and shoved his dick in Alex's mouth. He tried to do his best at giving head but this was his first time. He'd only known about it from reading sleazy gallaghercest fanfiction that got him all hot and erect.

Alex pulled away for a breath of air and pulled back his hair.

"How was that?" Asked Alex, looking up to Jarvis.

"Worst blowjob I've ever received." Jarvis shook his head. "But that doesn't matter. Now that I'm all lubed up, turn around." 

'oh no.' Alex thought. 'he's going to penetrate me.' He gulped and accepted the fact that he was going to be fucked in the ass. At least he was cute and shared the same love for Shaun as he did.

Alex did as he was told and bent over, still holding on to the wooden fence. The stench of sheep shit reeked from the bedding of the pen. 

"You ready... um..."

"Alex" he finished his sentence. "I'm ready." 

Jarvis slapped Alex's nonexistent ass cheeks and thrusted inside him. His dick was rock hard as he slammed into Alex's tight ass. 

Alex had not expected to enjoy this as much as he actually did. The sheep fence of the sheep pen rocked back and forth as Jarvis thrusted inside of Alex.

"So Alex, what brings you here?" 

"What?" 

"Other than being an avid Shaun the Sheep fan, what brings you here to the petting zoo."

He quickly thrusted into Alex, making him moan.

"I was planning to steal a sheep."

"Steal a sheep?"

"Yes. Steal a sheep. So I can reenact the Shaun the Sheep: Farmageddon movie." 

Jarvis abruptly came inside of Alex. 

Alex's eyes widened and looked back to Jarvis.

"What the hell!?"

"Sorry... Couldn't contain myself when I heard you say that biblical movie in your sexy voice." Jarvis moaned some more as he let out another wave of cum. "Baa for me, Alex."

"Baa for you?" 

"Yes! Bleat for me, Alex! Please! Baa!" 

"Baa?" Alex felt silly as he blurted it out. It made Jarvis thrust harder though.

"Baa!" Alex moaned. 

"Yes! More!" 

"Baa!" Jarvis came for the last time in Alex. Alex's member was also dripping with cum and piss. 

Jarvis pulled out of Alex and got himself back in order. He pulled up his underwear and shorts and placed his hair back in shape.

Alex did his best to make himself look more presentable for his friends but he really couldn't care less. 

"Hey, Alex." Jarvis said and placed a leash in his hands. "For the sheep." 

Alex smiled and gave Jarvis a peck on the lips. "Thank you, Jarvis. I won't forget this." 

A smirk was formed on Jarvis face as he waved to Alex. 

Alex now felt accomplished. He quickly placed the leash and collar on his sheep of choice and zoomed across the petting zoo. 

Children were occasionally petting and getting hit in the face by the sheep's tail as Alex dragged it around the petting zoo. 

His mates were already waiting for him in front of the Blur Mobile™ and were not too happy to be seeing a sheep tailing behind Alex when he showed up.

"What the hell is that?" Graham asked, leaning against the Blur Mobile™.

"Shaun." 

"Right, Shaun." 

"Whatever!" Damon interrupted. "My ass hurts lets just load up the sheep and leave already."

Dave yawned and agreed. "Am pretty exhausted myself."

Graham rolled his eyes and open the bonnet to the Blur Mobile™. Alex guided the sheep in and made sure me was fine. 

"Alright lads!" Dave announced. "Had fun?" 

All of them collectively groaned and sunk into their seats.

"I'm glad you boys did then. Lets head home now."

**Author's Note:**

> this is gay


End file.
